What I Wish I Had Known About Sex Before University

From being prepared to using the toilet afterwards, these are crucial tips

By Brittany McNamara, published 8th September, 2019 on Vogue.co.uk

University can be a time of newfound freedom from parents, your school, the ridiculously early wake-up call, and much more. It's also a time when many people start to experiment sexually. There are some key things you need to know about sex before you go to college, including weird incidents you might encounter and the important work of figuring out what you like. Here we've compiled some crowdsourced tips from staff and the Internet at large for what you should know before you start getting hot in halls.

Consent is king

Before university, honestly, even before school, you have to know about consent: what it is, what it sounds like, how to give and not give it, and how to keep affirming consent throughout getting with someone. When you start uni, you might have a quick course on what sexual consent is, but it goes much deeper than what that course might teach you.

It's okay to ask for what you want

Telling your partner what you want during sex is important for both consent and your sexual pleasure. It's totally okay to voice your desires, and let your partner know exactly how they can make you feel good. So don't be shy — your partner likely wants to make you feel good, and will be grateful for a helpful tip.

It helps to know what you like

It's hard to ask for what you want if you don't know what you like. Of course, it takes some experimentation to figure out what you do and don't like sexually, and much of this can be done on your own. That's right, some good old-fashioned masturbation can help you figure out how you want a partner to touch you in the future. Not sure where to start with self-experimentation? We've got you covered.

Use the toilet after sexual contact

This is important! You should always urinate after sexual contact to reduce the risk of a urinary tract infection (UTI). According to the Mayo Clinic, UTIs happen when bacteria enter the urinary tract via the urethra and multiply in the bladder. People with vaginas are more at risk of UTIs, though anyone can get them. Sexual activity can increase your risk of getting a UTI, but the Mayo Clinic recommends weeing after sex to reduce that risk. This is not a fail-safe method for avoiding a UTI, but it can help prevent an uncomfortable, though easily treated, situation.

Penetration isn't everything

There's no one way to have sex. If you're not interested in penetration, there are tons of other ways to get down, and you should feel empowered to explore options on your own or with a partner to find what feels good for you.

Orgasms aren't everything either

Sex doesn't always end with an orgasm — and that's okay! This doesn't mean you should give up after only one partner has had an orgasm. Everyone who wants one should have one. But if both you and your partner are satisfied, there's no need to keep going just to achieve orgasm if that's not what you want to do.

It's okay to say no

At any time. Seriously. Consent is ongoing, and you reserve the right to rescind it whenever you want. You shouldn't feel obligated to continue a sexual act just because you started it, and a respectful partner will be okay with that. You should also know that just because you respond to a late-night text or go to someone's room alone, it doesn't mean you have to do anything sexual if that's not what you want to do.

Sexual assault isn't sex

Given the high rates of sexual assault on uni campuses, it's vitally important to know that this isn't sex — it's assault. If you or someone you know is sexually assaulted, there is help available, and you have rights. Before going to uni, it's a good idea to figure out where these resources (like a sexual assault response centre, or the school's welfare office) are located, and how to access them if you need to. And know that sexual assault is never the victim's fault.

Protection is a must

To prevent unwanted pregnancy and reduce the risk of getting an STI, you should always use a barrier method, no matter what type of sexual contact you're engaging in. If your partner protests, you reserve the right to walk away.

So is getting tested

Now that you're living away from your parents, it's your job to make sure you stay healthy. That means going to the doctor regularly, getting your teeth cleaned, and getting regular STI tests, if you're sexually active. You can go to your regular doctor, a campus clinic, an NHS walk-in clinic or any kind of STI testing clinic to get tested. Once you know your status, it makes it that much easier to talk to sexual partners about theirs, which is another step you should definitely be taking to prevent STIs.

You don't have to have sex

Sex can help you explore your identity and may play an integral part in your uni experience in many ways. But it's neither a requirement nor a definition of who you are. If you don't want to have sex in college, don't do it. Trust us, you're not missing out, and you're not doing college "wrong." This advice isn't all or nothing either. Don't feel pressured to have certain kinds of sex just because it seems like you should to have a "typical" experience — there is no such thing!

Don't obsess — sex will happen if you want it to

If you do want to have sex but don't have anyone to do it with, it can seem like uni is the sex-fest movies make it out to be, that is for everyone except you. Rest assured, this is not the case. Whether it's a new relationship, a random hookup, or some luck on a dating app, you will find someone to have sex with eventually. In the meantime, it's best to take a deep breath and focus on your friends and school. Like we said before, sex doesn't define who you are, and it doesn't make you a different kind of person. When it comes, it comes — pardon the pun.