Gender Neutral: Thoughts Beyond Pink And Blue- Part 2

Continued from part one.

From the youngest of ages, we are giving our kids subliminal messages about how a woman (or a man) should dress. Women should wear tight things, extenuating their figures, helping them to look skinny. Why do girl’s t-shirts go in at the waist and why are boy’s t-shirts boxy? Why do girl’s t-shirts have short capped sleeves and boy’s have long sleeves? Why do girl’s wear bikinis (or at best even one-piece swimming costumes), whereas boy’s get to wear shorts and rash guards? Why do girl’s wear tight jeans and boy’s looser? Why are girl’s shorts thigh high and boy’s shorts around the knee? Why can’t girls wear baggy cargo pants? And what is behind my response when my 8-year-old daughter tries on a dress that makes her look slightly larger than her true stick thinness, and I say ‘nah, let’s keep looking?’

I believe that it’s a blessing to be a woman, and I’m super proud of my girls being girls. I’m not for or against gender neutrality or gender non-conformity. Quite honestly, I haven’t even processed my thoughts on this topic yet. But I am starting to advocate for gender-neutral clothing because it seems to be the only way I think we can free ourselves from the subconscious social constraints that we are placing upon our children at this formative stage in their early years of self-identification. The idea that we could have a simple unisex t-shirt section, not a girl’s t-shirt and boy’s t-shirt section, seems so desirable. Not to mention, it could provide a tangible solution to our serious sustainability issue by helping to prevent our excessive amounts of unwanted products and their subsequent waste.

But the twist here is that a couple of months into my newfound, gender-neutral focus, I realized that gender-neutral clothes were quite boring- offering limited colours and even fewer skirts and dresses. So I learned that as grateful as I am for this option, it didn’t solve my problem, because I don’t mind my girls being girls. I just don’t want them to be forced to define their bodies in the way our current children’s fashion is trying to define them.

Thankfully, there is a lot of talk in the media of the over-sexualization of young girls, but is there a focus on how these fashion norms affect their body image later on? When I look back at old photos from the 80s and 90s. We all looked ‘big’ and ‘boxy’ as kids. Nothing was as tight as the clothing is now. Hypercolour t-shirts were in and worn by all. Girl’s skirts were loose, and there were far less lycra based pieces. What has changed? Why? What is behind the growing statics on body dysmorphia and self-esteem issues that we are seeing amongst younger and younger children?

It’s all around us, our children are subliminally being told what they are supposed to look like, dress like, act like, devote their attention to. I don't mean from advertisements, TV shows, cartoons and movies (because that’s an acknowledged issue and is slowly being addressed), I’m talking about the clothes that are designed for them, and perhaps, even more significantly, the attitudes of the people buying those clothes.

I’m fighting a massive battle of small waists, short sleeves, and tight leggings. I’ve realized, throughout this journey of reflection and self-examination, that the change has to come from within me. And it is not a huge one- it involves fighting my knee jerk reaction; like letting my daughter wear that tutu that makes her look like a cupcake, and that dress that my tomboy daughter loves that makes her look boxy. Perhaps, this realization will breed a new, healthier perspective that will help ensure that my youngest daughters best express themselves as they discover who they are and what they want. And hopefully, it’s not too late for my oldest daughters. Hopefully, they will continue to grow and learn to love their bodies for the amazing vessels they are.

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