Real Women Are ______________.

"Just because you did something wrong in the past, doesn't mean you can't advocate against it now, it doesn't make you a hypocrite; it shows that you have grown."

I read this once and it still resonates with me.

By Fatma Zahra

I bring this up because when it comes to women, we tend to buy into the social construct that we are inferior to men. Often believing that men are more equipped or capable of specific jobs- diminishing women that attempt to exist outside of the gender norms. 

As a woman, you grow up with the world telling you that you are inferior, it’s hard not to start believing it sometimes. For many of us, these messages come from our communities, wider society, the media. Within these systems, we are often positioned as inferior, leading us to believe it and before we realize it, we have succumbed to this internalized misogyny.

And what is internalized mysogyny? It's the involuntary belief by girls and women of the lies, stereotypes and myths about girls and women. It’s when we say harmful things about other women, or allow gender based self-doubt to creep in. It’s when we reduce women to their weight, shapes, relationship or family status is internalized misogyny.

I grew up without realizing how toxic this thought process was. Remembering many moments where I succumbed to these thoughts in high school, I would marginalize myself with what I now realize were misogynistic thoughts- comparing myself to the other girls. I used to think 'I’m not like those other girls’ or ‘I am less capable than those other girls’. Often leaving me feeling less than or like I was in some form of competition with my female peers. It takes a long time to heal from this sort of toxicity, and its’ consequential mental health issues.

Not much has changed given the way society continues to position women, it’s no surprise that many of us continue to participate in internalized misogyny. Even in adulthood, we say harmful things about one another or self-depricate. For examples, you need not scroll further than most comments on social media to see women share judgmental and policing statements of other women. Often criticizing them for their shameful or immoral behavior, or their looks or their disappointing perspectives. Quite honestly, the list is as long as it is surprising in our ability to continue to diminish each other.

But real women are accepting of each other and supportive of their sisters. Real women worry about each other, not about what you do with your body. Real women will support your choices, whether they agree with those choices or not. Real women acknowledge and fight to reject internalized misogyny- it’s not easy, it’s a process.

I, of course, recognize now what I failed to realize in my youth- that every single girl and woman is different, unique and strong in their own way. That each girl will differ to another in some way, based on their own experiences, hobbies, preferences, and beliefs and that this is something to be celebrated and not diminished. 

So remember, just because you did something wrong in the past, doesn't mean you can't advocate against it now. It doesn't make you a hypocrite; it shows that you have grown. Don't let people use your past to invalidate who you presently are and who you are becoming, including yourself. Don't get in your own way. Only when we can learn to love and accept ourselves and support one another can we heal from internalized misogyny.

Cover photo: Unknown artist, please send contact details if known in order to attribute recognition and rights to artist.