Don’t wait for perfection to emerge, be bold!
Trigger warning: Those suffering from infertility, pregnancy or infant loss this may not be an easy read as it openly discusses the writer’s experience with pregnancy, birth and parenthood.
There is this assumption that we need to wait until we are “ready,” organised, financially stable, and in the right headspace to “settle down” and have a baby. It’s this unwavering misconception that all your ducks need to be lined up, all your t’s need to be crossed, and the universe is just ready and waiting for you to welcome that new little (charming) someone into the world.
When I think back to each time I became pregnant, I may have been fooled to think that it was all in “good time”, but I can see now that this was so far from the truth. Even as each child has brought such immense joy, gratitude and immeasurable love into our lives, it has not been without it’s stress, uncertainty, anxiety and fears for the future. And as time progresses, reality becomes more pockmarked with the struggles, hardships and unpredictability, which sadly, acts to dilute the unadulterated love and positivity we give and receive daily.
To help find the space and strength I need to get through, I try and walk every day. To breathe in the fresh air and have a break from the chaos that often chases me. I like to think it clears my head and gives me some very much needed “alone” time. And as I pass people, I like to guess their stories; walking the streets of Bondi Beach, it is usually not that hard to predict - stereotypically of course; the Lululemon / Lorna Jane fitness guru, the scruffy bearded hipster sporting a takeaway coffee. But in spite of everything that I know, when I see someone with a baby bump, I have to admit, I do feel a sense of calm - like that person has got it all together and they ARE at that point of perfection.
Why? Why do I think this? Because I know what life will really be like when that glorious “bundle of joy” finally drops. Does pregnancy equate with perfection? In an innate, personal and self-reflective way, I think it does. It is the pinnacle of our continuity, of our natural ability to embed a part of ourselves into our very own. But in the most practical and real way, it never will. We are flawed, imperfect and constantly learning, falling, growing, and reviving. For fear of sounding too cliche, we really do ride the roller coaster of life. Every. Single. Day.
So, I guess if you feel like you need to achieve a sense of calm first, or that perfection is a prerequisite for this life choice or any other, I hate to tell you, it may not happen. Don’t wait for perfection to emerge, be bold, be grateful, be brave, be courageous. Don’t let the realities of life be a pitfall in your journey. Let them uplift you and inspire you, as you continue to traverse the path you have chosen.